Passage I Timothy 3:1-5
\nOther passages
\nBackground
\nSynopsis of the passage Qualifications for overseers and deacons
\nMessage Outline Leadership qualities are mostly about Maturity, which is goal for all.
\nSharing for last month, and homework.
\nRequirements of an overseer #2 – Sexual Fidelity
\nQ: Small group discussion & sharing
\nDiscipleship
\nApplication Focus on Qualification: Sexual Fidelity, Relationships for Growth
\nTitle Intimacy and Fidelity \u6027\u7684\u5fe0\u5b9f\u3068\u6210\u9577
\n1 Tim 3:1 It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he
\ndesires to do. 2 An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate,
\nprudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle,
\npeaceable, free from the love of money. 4 He must be one who manages his own household well,
\nkeeping his children under control with all dignity 5 (but if a man does not know how to manage his own
\nhousehold, how will he take care of the church of God?),
\n1. Introduction (2 min)
\n1. Pre-introduction (version 2)
\n\u25cb We are trying something different for a while, coming from recent training about
\ndiscipleship.
\n\u25a0 focusing away from 30 min lecture to a short lecture + small group discussion
\n\u25a0 to shift focus from to discipleship, putting what we learn into action
\n\u25cb So please quickly move into small groups
\n\u25a0 Preferably the same people as before
\n\u25cb Now last time
\n\u25a0 We started going through the list in 1 Tim 3 of character qualities of mature
\nChristians required of people who want to lead in the church.
\n\u25a0 We talked about maturity for every Christian, and even every person.
\n\u25cf How important it is in using our gifts. Immaturity can destroy our
\ncontribution to the church and to society as a whole.
\n\u25a0 And we talked about \u2018being above reproach\u2019, that is, our reputation.
\n\u25cf Our reputation is how other people view our maturity, and so our reputation
\nis important as we try to serve or influence others..
\n\u25cb So, as we are trying to set a discipleship focus, I asked you to consider something that
\nyou could do to work on your maturity and your reputation.
\n\u25a0 I\u2019d like you to spend the first 10 minutes in your groups talking about
\n\u25cf anything since last time about maturity
\n\u25cf and specifically, if you decided last time to take some action, how it went.
\n\u25cf Remember, we are looking at being disciples, so following up is really
\nimportant.
\n\u25cb After 10 minutes, I\u2019ll give a short message about today\u2019s topic,
\n\u25a0 and then you\u2019ll have the chance in your small group to discuss and think about
\nhow you can respond concretely to the teaching.
\nOkay, now let\u2019s start.
\n2. Sharing time (10 min)
\n3. Today\u2019s topic: Sexual Fidelity & Growth (9 min)
\n3.1. Control of our sexuality (2-3 min)
\n\u25cf v2 \u2018husband of one wife\u2019.
\n\u25cb Actually, literally this is \u2018husband of one woman\u2019
\n\u25cb This was not a custom in that area of the world.
\n\u25a0 But they might be involved sexually with several women, eg. mistresses, or their
\nfemale slaves, or prostitutes in the idol temples (esp. in Ephesus), etc.
\n\u25cb So this is not necessarily speaking about being married to one woman, but about control
\nof your sexual life at the current moment.
\n\u25cf The bible speaks of how to conduct ourselves sexually:
\n\u25cb Paul: don\u2019t visit prostitutes, because it is a violation of God\u2019s design for marriage, which is
\none flesh – an intimate and lifelong relationship.
\n\u25a0 1 Cor 6:15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself?
\nShall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute?
\nNever! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is
\none with her in body? For it is said, \u201cThe two will become one flesh.\u201d 17 But
\nwhoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
\n\u25a0 We are to be limited to one partner.
\n\u25cb Jesus: don\u2019t break the marriage bond. God allows divorce because marriage is hard for
\nsinners, but he hates divorce.
\n\u25a0 Matthew 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God
\nhas joined together, let no one separate.\u201d
\n7 \u201cWhy then,\u201d they asked, \u201cdid Moses command that a man give his wife a
\ncertificate of divorce and send her away?\u201d
\n8 Jesus replied, \u201cMoses permitted you to divorce your wives because your
\nhearts were hard.
\n\u25a0 The relationship is meant to be stable, lifelong.
\n\u25cb Jesus: not only don\u2019t commit adultery, but do not look with lust. That is, control your
\nthought life.
\n\u25a0 Matthew 5:27 \u201cYou have heard that it was said, \u2018You shall not commit
\nadultery.\u2019 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has
\nalready committed adultery with her in his heart.
\n\u25a0 Sex is not just a physical thing.
\n\u25cf However in our day, since the Sexual Revolution (\u6027\u306e\u9769\u547d) sex outside of marriage is being
\nmuch more accepted, particularly in the West.
\n\u25cb But that isn\u2019t a good thing. For example, studies in the US show:
\n\u25a0 Particularly for women, having sexual experience before marriage, especially with
\nsomeone other than their future husband increases the likelihood of divorce by
\ndouble or more. An even as society is more accepting of sex outside marriage.
\nthese trends remain. It seems to be built into us by God\u2019s design that favours
\ncontrolling our sexuality, and there is a cost to violating it.
\n\u25a0 STD is also a big and growing problem, in Japan, the US and many other parts of
\nthe world.
\n\u25a0 In US, 90% of abortions are for unmarried women. There are no official statistics
\nfor Japan by marital status, but there are reasons to believe it is similar situation
\nfor Japan.
\n\u25a0 And there are other problems, but maybe that is enough for today.
\n\u25cb So we are to manage our sexuality according to God\u2019s design.
\n3.2. Marriage for personal growth (2-3 min)
\n\u25cf But this passage tells us something about marriage.
\n\u25cb v4-5 A leader is supposed to be assayed in the context of being a head of household.
\n\u25cb In this culture, men were expected to be married and lead their households, so their ability
\nto care for a group of people is tested in their marriages.
\n\u25cb And a proof of their ability to lead spiritually is whether his children follow him in the faith.
\nBecause in that age, children naturally followed their family values, traditions, religion.
\nTitus 1:6 An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe
\nand are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient.
\n\u25cf And if we think about it more, there is something else we can learn here.
\nThat is something that married people know very well:
\n\u25cb Marriage is hard.
\n\u25cb It puts us into an relationship which is
\n\u25a0 broad and intense, touch all aspects of our life, including
\n\u25cf sexual, carrying on our bloodline to the next generation, emotional life,
\nfinancial, and impacting our priorities, how we spend our time and
\neverything else
\n\u25a0 permanent (in theory) and exclusive in many aspects
\n\u25cf So marriage is a good test of our maturity , because it will expose us for who we really are.
\n\u25cb It can bring out the worst in us, and thereby forces us to deal somehow with our personal
\nissues
\n\u25cb OTOH, because it is permanent and exclusive, it is also a safe space where we don\u2019t
\nhave the constant fear of rejection or abandonment. We can get away with a lot at home
\nthat we wouldn\u2019t dream of elsewhere.
\n\u25cf So because it is both demanding and safe, marriage is an ideal environment for personal growth .
\n\u25cf But if there is no commitment or if the relationship is abandoned by divorce, there is a loss of the
\nopportunity to grow in those areas that have been challenged.
\n\u25cb Some studies show that is better to stick through problems in marriage rather than
\ndivorcing and marrying someone else, because we will have to work through issues. But
\nit really depends on each case.
\n\u25cf Or if the couple sets certain areas as off-limits, then no growth is going to happen in those areas.
\nE.g. values, emotions, money, religion, etc.
\n\u25cf So here is a challenge to make the most of our marriages to support each other\u2019s growth in
\nmaturity.
\n3.3. Friendships for personal growth (2-3 min)
\n\u25cf But besides the marriage relationships, friendships can also be a great context for supporting our
\npersonal growth.
\n\u25cf (Acts 4:13 When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were
\nunschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been
\nwith Jesus. )
\n\u25cf You often hear church leaders say that a circle of fellow pastors who they can share with is
\nimportant to their spiritual health.
\n\u25cf But it is not just leaders. For all of us, having friendships that support our personal growth is very
\nimportant.
\n\u25cb We may not be married, but we can choose to build thick relationships with people,
\nespecially fellow believers, that are going to help both of us to grow in maturity.
\n\u25cb We are not talking about friendships where we are just networking, or developing
\nresources to help us get things done.
\n\u25cb We are talking about human relationships where we can love and be loved, where we can
\nhelp each other grow to be better and more mature people.
\n\u25cf Here are some principles for healthy friendship
\n\u25cb Selectivity – choose your friends wisely.
\n\u25cb Proximity – face-to-face interaction is more transparent.
\n\u25cb Boundaries – not demanding more than each side is prepared to give.
\n\u25cb Mutuality – a two-way street, and shared interests
\n\u25cb Respect – respect the relationship, and the other person.
\n\u25cb Candor – Be honest and speak out of love
\n\u25cb Forgiveness – deal with the friction of closeness with forgiveness
\n\u25cb Constancy – be reliable, even when some sacrifice is required.
\n4. Small Group time (10 min)
\n\u25cf Small group (w\/discipleship focus => practical goal and actions)
\n\u25cb What did you learn today?
\n\u25cb To consider and discuss
\n\u25a0 How do you manage your need for intimacy appropriately, especially in your
\nrelationships with the other sex?
\n\u25a0 If you are married, how does your married relationship support personal growth for
\neach of you?
\n\u25a0 How do your friendships foster growth in you and the other person?
\n\u25a0 How do your relationships stack up against the 8 principles?
\n\u25a0 What steps can you take to improve?
\n\u25cb Share (optional)
\n\u25cb Pray
\n5. Closure (1 min)
\nSexual fidelity is important for us and for society
\nSelf-control in this area is necessary
\nPeople grow best in relationships that are both close and characterized by love and mutual interest
\nWe have to be intentional in all our relationships if we want both sides to get the benefits
\nIs God telling you something you need to do about your relationships?
\nLet\u2019s pray.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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